Sometimes growing is painful

I’ve come to the conclusion that there is not so much wrong with this community as there is something wrong with my current approach to all things Pagan. There is a thriving community here in our town, groups of people that meet on a regular business and work together on a regular basis – but they don’t want to work with Greenleaf. They have goals and ideas, things they’d like to see get accomplished in this area – but not by Greenleaf.

I believe that Greenleaf’s time has come and gone. We have done so much and I would like to believe that we have accomplished huge strides in helping Pagans and Wiccans become at least a little more accepted within our community. We have met so many wonderful and valuable people over the years, and I have been fortunate to maintain friendships with a good number of them.

There was a time when I thought I would be able to take over Greenleaf Coven. However, I’ve come to the realization that it won’t be possible. The reason for that is because I don’t believe anyone will ever be able to accept me as HPS of Greenleaf. That’s because I’m not – it will always be Pat.

The final decision, of course, is up to the High Priest and High Priestess of Greenleaf Coven. I know in the past they have discussed the possibility of stepping down and letting others handle Sabbats and rituals. Some of us have stepped up and done just that, but none of us will ever be able to fill their shoes completely.
If Greenleaf were to be dissolved, we would of course continue our projects such as “The Pagan Show” and Pagans in the Park. I would certainly hate to see any of those go by the wayside. My hope is that the Pagan community at large would be more receptive to working with those of us within Greenleaf if we no longer carried that tag around. I would like to see it as a fresh start for some, maybe even the whole area.

Time for thoughts and revelations

I'm only about half awake, and have had very little coffee, but here goes:

My kids are nearly grown now. My oldest will be eighteen in January, and my youngest will be sixteen in May. I've been pretty much relegated to the roll of maid and ATM, but at least they do still talk to me from time to time and tell me about their days at school and how their band is progressing (rockin', by the way!) So it's time for me to quit fiddle-farting around and do those things I want to do. After all, I'm not getting younger, and the further I progress into my forties, the more I realize time is getting away from me and I have yet to do even a fraction of what I hope to accomplish.

A new non-profit is being organized with an eye towards obtaining a building. I've decided that even if this doesn't happen in its current state, I will find a way to make it happen. As Pagans, we deserve just as much as any other religion. I'm starting to see a definite goal and a way to reach it.

There's much else, but I must go and work within the mundane world for a bit.

There is something rather strange going on.

Besides being Pagan, I'm also a musician. I play bass guitar and do some back-up singing in a couple of different bands. My brother and my children, along with many of their friends, are also musicians. Something we noticed a couple of years ago was that the entire music community for our city seemed to splinter pretty badly. There were several factors - the city had decided that anyone under the age of eighteen was not allowed to enter a business whose primary source of income was from alcohol, and that stopped about half of the local bands from being able to play gigs anymore. About the same time, several of the more popular local acts headed out west to try and get that "big break," - they all came back home, wiser and probably a little more jaded (if you're wondering who they were, it was Pillbox, happyendings, and Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin. SSLYBY is still out there, working hard to make a name for themselves).

Well, yesterday in my daily cruising of the 'net, I ran across a series of posts on one of the local boards about band ettiquette. Besides being a really good discussion about what's expected when you play a gig, it was civil and somewhat reminescent of "the good ol' days," which are approximately five to ten years ago. I thought, "how odd - pretty much the same time our Pagan community started drifting apart."

That's got me wondering now. Was the whole "splintering" effect a city-wide phemomenon? Maybe across the nation? What happened in that time frame that would have caused an entire region to start backing away from each other, no matter what their affilliation?According to people who study these things, there are two occurrences that bring people together - a common enemy or a common goal. I know in the past when the Pagan community has had the ability to focus on a common goal, we have achieved great things. I know that focusing on a common enemy brings a lot of anger and discourse into a group, and while it may unite people for a short time, eventually all that anger starts getting turned into the group, and that's never a good thing. So here's my theory:

I believe that the events that occurred on 9/11 created an atmosphere of "us against them." War mongers and demagogues have been riding that wave for the last seven years. We as a nation are getting really tired of feeling like we have to be on guard all the time and angry with the world. For crying out loud, we all have to live here - we might as well get along with each other! Anyway, every medical study in the world can tell you that living under large amounts of stress on a constant basis is bad for your health. I think we've finally begun to realize that and slowly - VERY slowly - we are starting to come back together, not just as one group or another, but as people seeking other people's company and support. We're tired of being alone. We're tired of looking for the boogey man behind every corner.

If we can reunite under a common goal (not succumbing to the horrendous economy and surviving these hard times) and rise above the hate-mongering, I believe we will be a stronger people for it. Not just as a community, but as a nation as well.

It's time, folks.

Thoughts on the election

Yesterday was a rather momentous day - no matter who you were voting for. Granted, I am a "tree-hugging liberal," and yes, my candidate won, but either way, we were going to see history made. But now that it's over, it's time to get down to the real work at hand.

We all know our nation has been splintered for years by the whole "we're right, you're wrong" mentality that's been permeating not only our government, but our communities. I've seen in our own backyard, within the Pagan community. How sad is that? Here we are, supposedly standing up for each other and trying to protect our family, our friends, our neighbors from the attacks we've faced for years, and we've been so busy telling each other how wrong we are that we've lost most of our cohesion. Why are we doing this? Have we become so complacent that we just don't care about community anymore? Can we truly afford to be so divided?

I'm thinking "no," folks.

If anything, these past few years would have been a really good time for us to pull together and show true unity, not turn on each other and try to prove how superior this bunch is compared to that bunch. I know, I know, there are quite a few places in the world where there hasn't been any in-fighting and their sense of community is stronger now that it ever was, but all I've got to deal with is my own little corner of the world right now. If you are a p and live in the Southwest corner of Missouri, then you know it's not exactly all warm and fuzzy around here, and that's coming from our own people.

For the past couple of years, I've been trying to think of some way to see this part of world come back together like it used to be. Is that possible, or are we screwed? Have we destroyed our respect for each other so much that we will never be able to see a sense of community like we used to? I'd like to think we are more mature than that.There are some fresh faces locally, folks that have been seeking, but have not found their path yet. Folks that want to be a part of the greater good. That gives me a great deal of hope. I am actually seeing movement forward. It's been a long time coming, and I'm glad to see it's finally happening.

The next step is going to be getting those of us that have been around for a while to stand up and be willing to help guide these new people. I know, times have been tough lately, but we are seeing the dawn of a new day and I don't want to get left behind, stuck in the same ruts we've been in for that last few years. I know that I can feel hope again. I can see possibility again. We need to move forward and capture some of this momentum for ourselves.I am also seeing a change for Pagans and Wiccans in general. For many, many years we have taught and worshipped in a rather haphazard manner, each of us doing our own thing and not being concerned with it. That's fine - I honestly have no problem with that - but I also believe that it will be our demise if we continue to ignore the fact that we are growing, and sometimes it's good to have a little organization.

Yes, that's right! I said it! ORGANIZATION!!!

Seriously, though, if you look at some of the bigger groups across the country, how do you think they got where they are? Circle Sanctuary, Aquarian Tabernacle, Reclaiming - it didn't "just happen." They put effort into creating what they have, and I believe that if the Pagans in this area want to see something similar, we are going to have to put forth the effort with more than just lip service. We have a lot of intelligent and talented people around here - I don't want to see that go to waste.

So - let's do this. It's a new day - Carpe Diem!

Playing Catch-up

I have been lax in my writings as of late.

It's been a rough few months. I lost my job and I'm just now getting to a point again where I can say I'm getting back on my feet. No sooner did I lose my job then I found out a young man I had dated for a couple of years had decided to take his own life. That was - tough. He was young and pretty, and he had a daughter that at one time I believed gave him hope for his future.

I thought that would be the end of my bad news, but this morning I have learned that yet another friend has developed a potentially debilitating disease - counting my father, that makes four people in the last year that I know who have either developed or are on the verge of developing diabetes. Two of those people are younger than me.

I feel I have spent entirely too much time sitting idly by while my friends die or commit gruesome crimes or become horribly ill. What the hell is going on? It's almost as if our entire Pagan community has been cursed, and we are all doomed. I cannot help but feel there is something very wrong with all of this. We need to do something. We need to quit walking around with our noses in the air, pretending we don't see each other and get everyone going in a good direction. But I feel so powerless to do anything. I have zero support from the people around me. Something has to be done, though. Somehow, . . . .

The Difference Between Charity and Hypocrisy

I live in a mobile home park. It's a nice one, outside of town, quiet, in a great school district. Within a one-mile radius of my home are four different churches - one Baptist, one Church of Christ and two Assemblies of God. Three of the four churches are in the middle of or have just finished expanding. Jesus is booming, folks.

For the most part, I have no problem with living in the midst of these churches, except for one. These people irritate the living crap out of me, and for a variety of reasons.

First off, this church has gotten so big so fast that they have three services on Sunday morning. They have mounted an outdoor PA system in their parking lot, and anytime they have services, they play Christian music through the PA. Eight o'clock service? Time to play music! And that wouldn't be so bad except that it's loud enough to hear at my house at eight o'clock in the morning on a Sunday.

Second, the traffic on our little country road has increased significantly. Now typically on a Sunday, I don't care so much. But on Wednesday nights, it's insane. And of course, they do all sorts of special events for the kids on Saturdays, and there's Bible camp in the summer, and all manner of other things they do that I have no clue what they are or why they are clogging up my road!

Anyway, that's all fairly insignificant. It probably wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't for their egotistical practice of advertising every time they do a big charity project. I mean, I always thought that charity was working for the sake of others, not making yourself look good. And these people are the worst about it. Every time they go out and do something to help underpriviledged kids or the elderly or a food bank, they make sure to contact the local news so they can show everyone what great people they are. It would help if the local news would quit covering this crap, but if it's a slow day, hey, what are you gonna do?

This particular church has been bugging for a while, but this latest thing made me even angrier, because I know it's going to make the news tomorrow, and it's going to create havoc on one of our major city streets, too. See, they've decided to sponsor a gas station here in town and sell gas cheaper than what it's been going for. And while I understand advertising something like is necessary, I might not have been so irritated if the first line did NOT say "Northpoint Helps!" It's as if the church wouldn't have been doing this if the gas station hadn't put that up.

But then, in my experiences, Northpoint doesn't help at all. When my neighbor's house burned down, did anyone from Northpoint come over to help clean up or see if there was anything they could do? During the ice storms, did anyone from Northpoint come over - to their neighbors! - and see if everyone was alright? When there are threats of tornados, do they open their doors and let those of us in the mobile home park take shelter?

NO!

But for the record, none of the churches bothered to do any of that, either.

Charity, my ass.

The Seventh Incarnation of the Mother

There is currently a series on the Science Channel that is exploring the birth, life, death and rebirth of our planet, as well as the emergence of life during these times. According what scientists have been able to determine, the cycle goes like this:

Earth is hit by an asteroid that creates a catastrophic chain reaction. First, everything is super-heated and essentially sterilized by fire. Then, a cooling begins, creating what becomes a giant snowball in space. Eventually the ice begins to melt and forms of life begin to appear. Plants grow, animals evolve and all is happy for a few million years. Until Earth is hit again.

This has happened six times.

According to what the scientists can figure out, each time the Earth dies and is reborn, life returns as well. That would mean the Earth manages to keep the keys to creating life deep within Herself, even though the surface has been cleansed by fire and ice.

The Earth truly is our Mother.

And now we have scientific proof!

On another subject, I would like for everyone out there to think about this for a minute - why are you a Pagan? Why do you stand beneath the moon and call to the God and Goddess? What is it about this spirituality that "does it" for you?

I have recently been on a very intimate quest to understand - for myself - the reasons for being Pagan. I know that I chose this path when I was younger because I felt this was the best way to honor the Mother and the Father and to celebrate my own life as a child of the Gods. But recently, it seems I've forgotten that. I started worrying about what other people might think if I actually enjoyed myself in public and had a good time wherever I was. I got so wrapped up in the "what will they think" mentality that I forgot to be myself and became very depressed.

Then one day, my friend Nova pointed me to this strange person who was also incredibly wrapped up in the "what will they think" mentality. I spent countless hours looking over this person's blogs and writings, and determined this person was some sort of fundamentalist nutcase, too busy casting stones at others to pay much attention to his own household. Yeah, you know, . . .

Anyway, I realized I was in danger of becoming just like that. No fun in that! So for the past few months I've been doing a lot of introspection and self-examination. I feel like I owe all of my friends and family a huge apology for becoming a lame-ass drag.

And with that, I would just like to say that changes can be expected! Beltane is coming up very quickly, and I'm glad to say that this year's celebration will indeed be a celebration!

I am a Child of Gods, divine and divinely inspired.