Raven

Yesterday, I found out that we lost a dear friend earlier this month. He had moved to Arkansas a couple of years ago, and our communication with him was a bit difficult since then. Evidently, he found out he had lung cancer in May, and even though we had spoken with him during the summer, he never mentioned it to us.

His real name was Roger, but he went by Raven. He was only a year younger than me, but he was like everybody's little brother. He was sweet, naive, and had only the best intentions. He was very gay, and all he ever wanted out of life was to be a house-wife. He was what you might call "goth" about ten years before it was a fashion. He loved The Cure, Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson. He was kind of goofy looking, but it was part of his appeal. We even went to school together way back in the early eighties, and he always thought my brother and I were the coolest people ever.

Losing Raven is like losing a family member. He was like a little brother to me. When he moved to St. Louis for a couple of years, I worried like mad about him. I was afraid the city would chew him up and spit him out, because he was so trusting and kind (I had to go back remove the word "is," . . . .). He came back a little tougher, a little more cynical, but he was still our sweet little Roger. When he moved in with an older man, we became concerned about his new partner's controlling nature and we suspected Raven was being physically abused, but he didn't want to lose his partner. He was in love. It took some time, but he finally came to realize he deserved better, and love didn't mean total control.

His mother wasn't sure what to do about Raven. Here she was, a small-town Christian woman whose only son was a gay, black-wearing, techno-loving Witch. She still loved him, though, and when she moved to Arkansas, she asked him to move closer to her. He finally agreed to do so, and he and his new partner moved down, despite our attempts to get him to stay. He would call from time to time, and it was always good to hear from him. We've been missing his presence for some time. Knowing he'll never come back is painful. Wish I could quit crying.

We love you, baby. Fly free.

The Philosophy of Adam

I have decided that Adam Savage of “Mythbusters” is the greatest philosophical mind of our time. My reasons are as follows:

In the opening of the show, he can be seen and heard stating, “I reject your reality and substitute my own!” If that isn’t controlling your own destiny, I don’t know what is!

He takes great joy in his work, creating experiments most of us only dream about trying. When it works, he is filled with joy and glee. When it goes wrong, he blows it up and revels in the explosion. Either way, it’s always great fun.

When he is competing with Jamie, he cheats. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, he’s always having a good time.

His mind is always turning, coming up with new ways to try something or blow something up. Or screw with Jamie.

Of course, one must also consider the role of Jamie Hyneman in the philosophy of Adam. Jamie is what keeps Adam’s feet on the ground. He is cool logic, considering every step before he moves forward, where Adam rushes ahead without considering all possibilities – or probable outcomes. He makes sure Adam doesn’t get hurt when the experiments get a little hairy. And while Jamie may have better results at the end, there is little joy in his accomplishments.

They are yin and yang – pure, unadulterated bliss tempered with a bit of logic. They are a perfect model for today’s philosophy student!

If you are unfamiliar with “Mythbusters” or the work of Adam and Jamie, you should definitely check them out

Regarding my previous post

"The Wild Hunt" has also posted up a blog here about the ongoing investigation into the SIGER scandal and the Witch that's been singled out during the government investigation. He cites a few more sources, and poses more questions about the investigation, asking whether or not this is a smear campaign on the part of someone in the office.

Someday I'll learn to not be so emotional when I post up news info!

The ONLY mention of Wicca in this article, . . . .

. . . . has to do with the inappropriate actions of a woman that is part of the Special Inspector General's office that is supposed to be overseeing the efforts in Iraq. Story is here. Read the whole story. The woman in question is mentioned at the end of the article, and I really have to question the reason behind it.

First off, how does that have anything to do with the actions of the Special Inspector General's office and the way it's handling the funds and power needed to rebuild a country? Second, if she was already cleared in an internal investigation, why bring it up in a national story? And --- this is one of my biggest pet peeves --- "self-proclaimed???" I'm gonna start referring to Xians as "self-proclaimed."

Oh, and they didn't capitalize "Wiccan." Grrr!!!

Pedophilia in the name of religion

This is what happens when children are forced to have sex in the name of religion.

How can anyone think that a child who was ritually molested would be able to walk around and act like a normal human being? How can anyone think there wouldn't be some sort of repercussion?

Why would anyone choose to mount a campaign of hate and slander against another without any sort of proof whatsoever? Why would someone want to drag up a book that hasn't been relevant to the Pagan world for at least twenty years and most people hadn't even heard of?

There is a huge difference between a few pages in one book talking about something that may or may not be a historical representation and actually creating and distributing literature with explicit details and promoting the act of having sex with children.

On another note, if an author were to write several books on Wicca, then decide one day they were no longer Wiccan, would that author then be required to pull all his books and rewrite them to reflect his new views? Should they remove passages from future printings and make a public statement declaring the "offending" passages null and void?

I'm just curious, ya know?

If you say it often enough, does that make it true?

Fascinating stuff on "The Wild Hunt" today! If you've been following the ongoing saga between a certain Mr. Drew and the Frosts, then you need to read this.

It may be Australia, but I believe there's something to be learned from this.

Karma and the Law of Return

The way I see karma is it’s supposed to be a life-debt that follows you from lifetime to lifetime, punishing you in some cases, lifting you up in others. The actions from a lifetime the time before last would have the power to dictate what happens to you in this lifetime. By this definition, the indication is that you would have no control over your life or the events that occur in your life. That would mean it didn’t matter what you did, because the outcome is already preordained. I can’t accept that.

The Law of Return says “everything you send out will return to you.” To me, that means EVERYthing you send out - how you live your life, what you say to people, how you treat your friends, your family, your pets, strangers, how you keep your house, how you handle your finances, how you view life in general. The Law of Return isn’t limited to just magical workings, just like the Gods aren’t limited to only being with us in ritual. And because you might have done some unfortunate things in your past, that doesn’t mean you will automatically be konked over the head for it. You do have a choice as to how you respond to the events in your life.
If something you consider bad happens to you, what is your response? Do you lie down and say, “oh, it’s karma. There’s nothing I can do about it.” Or do you pick yourself up, look at the situation and figure out what you can do to make the best of it? Maybe some events in our life are beyond our control (like my neighbor’s house burning down), but how we choose to respond to those events is what defines our lives.

Allowing events to control how we live is not living. If I let the past control my actions, then I am not in control of my own life. I am simply letting events push me around and control my responses. For some people, I supposed it’s ok to float down the stream like a leaf, letting the currents and eddies dictate their path, but I can’t be like that. If the Gods help those that help themselves, then I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure my family and I have fulfilling, happy lives.

Besides, if karma truly does dictate the events of my life, then it’s not going to matter what I do, anyway.

My last post was weird!

I apologize for the rambling essence of that last post, but I've just had so much running through my head lately, it's a little hard to focus at times. Many, many things for me to learn about myself and my life.

I have learned that I have little patience for hypocrites.

I have learned that my past does not dictate who I am now.

I have learned that being nice isn't always the right thing to do.

I have learned that sometimes people do things without really thinking about the consequences, and sometimes those consequences can be devastating and long-lasting - and sometimes even hard to recognize.

I have learned that the Law of Return isn't what I thought it was, or even what a lot of people might think it is.

I have learned that my life is not necessarily a reflection of what some would consider karma.

I have learned why I have always had trouble with a Goddess-dominated religion. That doesn't mean I don't revere and love the Mother - it just means I don't understand many aspects. I still believe in harmony between God and Goddess.

I have learned that discovering the truth about yourself is very liberating and a little scary.

It's always darkest, . . .

Actually, things are going pretty good. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.

Most of my life I've been told, "growth is not easy." Well, why not? Who said we have to suffer in order to grow and learn anything? Gods know I'm tired of doing all that suffering, and I much prefer to be happy. This past year has really given me a lot of perspective as to what it takes to be happy and what constitutes "suffering." Let's recap, shall we?

The ice storm -- for some reason, most of the country didn't even know what was going on here in mid-January. It was a very small area affected, contained to Springfield and the surrounding towns, but it was devastating to us. We were without power and water for nearly two weeks during the coldest part of the winter, but it wasn't important enough for anyone else to know about. Our trees will never be the same - I've got one that I'm sure is going to die this winter, and I know the number that did die during the storm was unbelievable. I don't know anyone that didn't have damage or was affected in one way or another. But that's ok - it's not important.

Tornadoes -- this happens all the time. Good storm coming up? Probably gonna be a tornado. I can't sleep anymore if there's a storm because chances are we'll have to take shelter anyway.

The fire -- nearly four months after my neighbor's house burned to the ground, I still have trouble sleeping or leaving the house. What if? What if I wake up and OUR house is on fire? What if we leave for work and school, and it burns? After all, when our other neighbor's house burned down, I thought, "well, that won't ever happen again." How silly of me.

My job -- sometimes things work out in strange ways. I went through a few bad choices this year, but it's stabilized now, and I'm happy where I am. I hope to be here for many, many years.

So what does all that have to do with anything? Well, . . .

Yesterday my husband brings home a magazine for me to read and there's an article in it about this guy. The website is a little outdated, because in the magazine is a story about how he has become the first ever double-amputee to complete an Ironman competition. Wow. I can't even run a mile without wanting to die, and here this guy is running Ironmans with two prosthetic feet!

I suddenly realized that sitting around and feeling sorry for myself was accomplishing zilch. I have two good feet, two halfway good arms, and a damn good brain. So I'm on a quest!

And see, I knew this was coming. All the obstacles are being cleared away because I have something I need to do.

The ice storm convinced me we need to find a better home. Ditto for the nonstop tornadic activity.

If the fire hadn't happened, I would have never found out about the plans to build duplexes where we currently live.

If I hadn't decided to get the hell out of a bad job situation and be ok with bouncing around a bit, I never would have found my current position, which is so perfect for me and my job skills.

It's all just now starting to come together and make sense to me. I have a long way to go to figure out where I'm going, but I trust whatever this is.

And finally -- Nothing is more confusing than people who give good advice but set a bad example. -- Norman Vincent Peale

Do-gooders can become the worst cheats

This is an article I found on MSNBC on people that believe they are "doing the right thing:"

"Morally upstanding people are the do-gooders of society, right? Actually, a new study finds that a sense of moral superiority can lead to unethical acts, such as cheating. In fact, some of the best do-gooders can become the worst cheats."

Rest of the article can be found here.

I think this is an important article for anyone to read, especially considering the number of "crusaders" that have been running around lately, calling for the downfall of some people and the grand idea that all Pagans should start following Christian ethics. There's just so much wrong with that line of thought, . . . .

Anyway, the article is based on a scientific study that's in the November issue of the Journal of Applied Psychology. They talk about an interesting line of thought in which the cheater believes the final outcome outweighs the current circumstances. That brings in a whole new bunch of info for the discussions over ethics and morals - if you do something right now that you know is wrong, yet you believe the final outcome will be good, is it alright to do the wrong thing? What if there was another way to achieve the goal? And who gets to decide what is ethically and morally correct, especially for all Pagans?

Learning from other Pagan Communities

I was told about this group in Florida that has a couple of gathering a year. They are called Florida Pagan Gatherings, and their website is here. I’ve only been on their egroup for a few weeks, but I gotta say, I’m really impressed! There’s a large number of people that are involved with the conversations and they are discussing a large number of subjects right now, mostly with the success of their most recent gathering over Samhain. Their gatherings are good-sized, around 600 from what I understand, yet these people are able to have civil conversations about their work without throwing any nasty comments about individuals or other groups or anything like that.

Our Pagan community here in Springfield, MO isn’t what I’d call “huge” or anything like that, but it’s pretty good-sized. We’ve got several universities so our student population is pretty good and growing all the time. Unfortunately, we have had our fair share of in-fighting, name-calling, intolerance, etc., and because of that, we have lost some of the cohesion we once had. Slowly but surely, we are starting to pull back together. It’s a wonderful thing to see. I hope our future will look like the group in Florida one day.

I realize from time to time, Pagan communities do go through these changes. I do tend to think the reason for it is to give people a chance to back off and regroup with a clearer idea of who they are working with and what they can truly expect. Very often, Pagans come back to the community with new goals and new visions. Some people will leave the community permanently, but that can be for the better sometimes. Too many strong egos will only cause a greater rift in the fabric of the community.

I plan on picking the brains of the organizers from Florida. Whatever it is they’ve done, I think they’ve got the right idea. Can Pagan communities have sister cities? Hm!!!

"Change Places!"

Ever feel like you're having tea with the Mad Hatter, right around the time he starts getting on a role?

We're a whole two weeks into the Celtic New Year, and wow, things have been moving so fast! We look to be moving shortly after the secular New Year, not because we planned it but because of the development of duplexes on the land we live on. Our car died on Friday, and it's going to cost more to fix than what the car is worth, so we are getting rid of it and my ex is currently working to find a better car for us. He has connections, and we get along pretty well these days. My oldest informed me last night that he's planning on going to prom in the spring, . . . .!!!! I'm very close to being done with the monthly payments for their band trip in the spring - that's been a real killer for us.

So what does this all mean? Well, as we have been celebrating the turning of the wheel this year, my focus has been on being able to let go of the things that have been holding me back from achieving my goals. My crappy house and my crappy car are now practically things of the past, my boys are growing up (much too fast for my taste!) and our financial situation is about to improve dramatically. There's also been one very personal issue I've been wrestling with that seems to be resolved, at least for now. All my little "buts" have been cleared out and there's a light at the end of my tunnel. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's really a train, . . . .

The Evil That is Humanity

Here in our little corner of the world, there's been a murder that's making national news. The story from CNN is here. I was going to spend last weekend helping with the search, but they found her on Friday morning.

This is one of those things where you just stop and really think about those around you, especially people you think you can trust. What are we truly capable of doing? And don't just think about the people you "suspect" of being capable of evil - think about the people you really, truly trust.

It's quiet, . . . . too quiet, . . . .

I have to admit, though, it's been refreshing to see all the hateful venom from last month disappear like it has. Oh, I know, I've seen all the declarations of "we will never stop!" in a couple of places, but honestly, after the non-event over Samhain I've been able to determine that hot air does not a cause make.

Some people will continue to try and stir the shit, no matter what. Some people need a hobby, and that would be their hobby. Some people are what my husband and I have decided to call "moonies," not to be confused with the Moonies of the Seventies who were (and still are, I suppose) followers of Reverend Moon and the Unification Church. Allow me to explain, because I know everyone knows these people, . . . .

People with noteriety, whether a movie star or a writer or something along those lines, will have people hanging around them all the time. The hangers-on will do everything in their power to get some sort of recognition or whatever from the famous person. Later, the hangers-on will go about telling everyone they know how so-and-so did this for them, or the hanger-on was able to do something for the famous person. The hanger-on then sees themselves as someone important, using the opportunity to bask in the glow of the famous person, like a moon does with a sun.

Example - a woman I used to know found out I had partied several times with a band here in town that actually achieved some fame in the eighties. Well, she started telling me how she was such great friends with the whole band, and she and the guitar player, well, they had a "special" friendship! We found out this band was going to be playing at a local club, so we decided to go. When we got there, I was just happy they remembered me from the party days. But when the guitar player saw this woman - I just don't know how to describe the look on his face. Like a trapped animal, maybe? Oh, yeah, he did know her - but not like she told me! Turns out her little story about their friendship was not quite reality, and she had been using a single incident to try and make it seem like she had a lot more going on with them than she did.

I found out later she considered me some sort of threat and was doing everything in her power to make herself seem more important, and because I knew the guys in that band, she thought she could bullshit me into thinking she knew them better than me. By using her association with them to try and make me feel like a lesser person, she was using their fame to make herself look bigger. Moonie. Band = sun, woman = moon.

We thought about calling people like that "mooninites" but that would be a slap in the face of Adult Swim and Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Is Yellowstone about to blow?

My family is is addicted to the Discovery channels, and among the wonderful programming we see every week are some great shows on Nature Science, something I believe everyone in the world should pay attention to. One of the programs we caught some time back was about Yellowstone Park and the gigantic magma chamber that's beneath it. Since then, I've seen other programs and read many articles about the possibility of the magma chamber erupting and creating what could be the biggest volcano we've ever seen in modern times.

So of course, I found this article today: Yellowstone volcano rising at quick pace.

Yeah, I do get a little paranoid sometimes, . . . .

I got it!

I'm not controversial enough! I'm not outspoken and overly verbose and I don't feel the need to target anyone - I have nothing to create controversy.

So, I'm taking suggestions. What do you think? I could start a male harem, or get multiple facial piercings, then claim I'm being discriminated against. Anyone I could use as a target? And not someone that's already a target - or that's an easy target.

Let the games begin!

Where does violence belong in the Pagan Community?

I realize there are a lot of different traditions and paths that have no problem with violence, especially against someone that deserves it. Hell, there's a couple of people I wouldn't mind putting a boot up their ass myself, but, . . . .

If we are violent and mindless in our pursuits for what we perceive as "justice," what are we doing to ourselves? I don't care about the Law of Return or any sort of karmic fallout. I'm talking about what we do to ourselves as 1) human beings and 2) Pagans.

I have seen a couple of different posts on other blogs lately referring to what would amount to vigilante justice. If there's a crime being committed and the cops won't do anything about it, then I see nothing wrong with taking things into your own hands. But don't you think you better be damn sure about who you're accusing?

My lovely little town has an unenviable history when it comes to vigilante justice. Right around the turn of the century in the early 1900s, three young black men were lynched on our town square because a white woman accused them of raping her. Of course, it wasn't until after the young men were murdered that the woman came forward and told the authorities she was never raped and had been put up to accusing the young men by several of the "upstanding" white men of our city. Seems that the white business owners of Springfield were tired of the black business owners being so profitable and decided to drive them out of town. Well, they succeeded.

One person. That's all it took.

Was that the right thing to do? No, although I'm sure 100 years ago, that's what the business owners here thought needed to be done. Vigilante justice at it's finest.

You can find all the information in the world about the lynchings here. Just google Springfield, MO, lynching.

****************edited later same day*******************

And here ya go, a perfect example. Witnesses, victims, physical proof, and the charges have been dropped. Justice? Certainly not in this case. Shall we take bets on how long it will be before this church gets burned out?

R.I.P, Dave

Well, I got up this morning and found my pet rat dead in the kitchen floor. Number one, don't know what he was doing in the floor, and number two, don't know why he died. He had no bite marks or anything, so I'm pretty sure none of the other critters got him. Most likely, it was old age - I have had him for a while. Bleh. So we'll be having a little Dave-the-Rat funeral for him tonight.

I've had pet rats on and off since I was twelve. They make very cool pets, provided they're not psychotic. Dave, unfortunately, was psychotic. He wouldn't bite anyone but me. I never hurt him, always fed him little goodies, and until he punctured the vein in my finger, I would take him out and let him play. Not sure what his deal was. I never had one so strange. Well, considering most pet store rats are bred to be snake food, I imagine intelligence is not high on the "must-have" list.

Anyway, there ya go.

The Pagan Show

The latest version of The Pagan Show is now up for everyone to see! Not to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities, but there is footage of Gavin and Yvonne Frost (gasp!) at a handfasting during Samhain.

Enjoy!

Sex abuse case here in Springfield, MO

Not too long ago, an elementary school coach here in Springfield was accused of inappropriate touching by a couple of his fifth grade students. The principal of the school was also brought up on charges for failing to report the incidents in question to the police. In Missouri, all teachers, doctors, clergy, etc. are considered "front line responders" in the case of child abuse, and as the principle of this elementary, she was responsible for reporting it the first time a parent came to her with concerns. She was accused of not doing that, so she got dragged into this as well.

This week, all charges were dropped. Of course, that came AFTER the principal had to go to trial for her charges (acquitted), and both of their careers were ruined, not to mention the hundreds of parents, teachers and children that were left to wonder, "what if?"

Since the accusers are minors, we won't ever know for sure what was going on in their heads, but some of the people familiar with the coach and the children in question seem to think it was little more than a couple of angry ten-year-old girls trying to get revenge on a teacher that made them angry.

"Innocent until proven guilty" doesn't work here, because it's too late for the coach and teacher in question. Their careers are destroyed, their families have been through hell, and this will be with them for the rest of their lives. I also have to wonder what the girls have to look forward to. If they did lie, why? If they didn't, then why weren't charges brought up on this coach before? He's been a coach in our area for twenty years, and it would seem that someone else somewhere would have had a complaint in the past.

Westboro Baptist Church gets what it deserves!!!

Finally! About damn time these people were put in their place! Now I can only hope they don't drag this out forever. Half the family is lawyers - but it could very well still bankrupt them and close down their church. Wouldn't that be nice?

Here's the story from CNN.

And if you're just really in a mood to get outraged, you can always go here.

You know that rant from yesterday?

Well, this was just too precious to pass up, so I thought I would share it with you. It came from "The Dancing Wiccans" blog today:

"Knowledge Is Power said...
Mr-E-Anderson said... KIP claims to have produced "proof," but has produced nothing. KIP has produced not one person who has been abused as a direct result of the Frost's book.

How is it that you can blather on endlessly without saying a godamn thing?Fecking moron, I'M traumatized by reading the negative, abusive filth that came out of the Frosts, you asshole, so there's your one victim, now get on your knees and lick the boots of the man you call my leader, you big wet fart out of a donkey's ass.Yeah, I"m dumbing down to your level you tiny dicked fucking jerk.
October 31, 2007 12:49 PM"

*Sigh*

Every time I think there might be hope somewhere, I read something like this. If I was traumatized by everything I read, I think this little bit just might do it for me. Granted, it wasn't directed at me, but I really have to wonder what is gained by stooping to such levels.

A response to an attendee of the RWB

This is something I had posted up on another blog in response to another person's comment about the events in Ohio:

"I understand not everyone agrees with Drew and his methods, and for that I am grateful. His motives may seem of good intent, but I do question his methods. Please understand that from our end of it, it looks like this whole thing was geared by Drew, orchestrated by Drew, and he's pushing people to declare the Frosts pedophiles and rapists, despite evidence to the contrary. As for the event in Ohio, again, we haven't heard anything about it except for the description that Drew himself gave on the Frosts' blog about the desecration of the effigies. If we knew more about it and the people involved, that might be helpful to everyone, but unfortunately, all we hear is accusations, hate, and basically a bunch of crap. It's the same way with the Frosts - if we all base our decisions on one piece of information, how much accuracy can there really be?"

Just thought that bore repeating.

Wow - so much for maturity (rant warning)

On and on it goes. How nasty can we get? Not nasty enough, it would seem. Really shows our integrity, doesn't it?

If people want to get nasty, call names, describe sexual acts against children (and dolls), then I really have no use for them. I have better things to waste my time on, like free online gaming or some crap like that.

What a waste. All that energy, all that hatred and vitriol. Imagine the good things that could be done if that kind of passion were put to getting REAL criminals off the street. Imagine how much work we could all do together if we weren't busy trying to destroy each other.

For Gods' sake - if you believe a crime has been committed, then call the bleepin' cops! If you don't have anything else besides hate to spew, then go spew it on your own damn blog and quit screwing it up for the rest of us!

(If you're completely lost, then read "The Dancing Wiccans" blog and read the comments on just the first entry.)

****edited later in the day*****

I've also noted that unless a person slings shit and calls names, you're pretty much ignored, anyway. So much for civility, too, then, huh?

The Pagan Show and other stuff

Well, got the show done, and in record time, I think. It'll be showing this Friday on channel 26 here in Springfield, MO., and I'll have it up for everyone to see online this Saturday. And yes, it'll have those rabble-rousing, evil people, Gavin and Yvonne! See them rouse the rabble! See them, . . . well, really, all they did was attend the Ball and hang out for a bit. Sorry, nothing weird and disgusting happened at our Witch's Ball. Which, from what I understand, is very different from what happened at the event in Ohio. Holy Gods. I'm still really disturbed to think that, not only were they capable of doing what they did - to dolls, no less - but then turned around and gave a lovely description of it for all to read.

Anyway, I'll let everyone know when the show is up. Meantime, you can go here and see some from the past few months. I'm thinking I'll go ahead and put up some of the older shows from years past from time to time, just for yuks.

My hope for the New Year - maturity for all people. I know that my group and my community has a lot of work ahead of us, and I'm really looking forward to it! All this energy everyone has been putting towards tearing each other down and proving how more depraved one is than the other - it could be put to something much more useful. We are doing more harm to ourselves than any Christian group could ever hope for.

A proposal - unity will be needed in order to move forward. Rather than spending time trying to destroy each other, our time and energy would be better spent creating community. We need to stop attacking each other, especially in public. If you have a problem with someone, take it to that person or group - don't air everything and make us look like even bigger flakes. (I'd also like to take this time to point out that using email and blogs is not always the best way to contact people when you have issues - not everyone is tech-savvy.)

The proposal is to create a kind of contract between groups that would state no public attacks. That doesn't mean you would have to be all buddy-buddy with anyone or even agree with their path. It's simply an agreement to disagree when warranted, but there will be no "airing of grievances." Instead, all parties concerned would act like mature adults and discuss things in a rational manner whenever there is a true problem that requires addressing.

Simple, yes?

I'd like to know what others think of this.

And a good time was had by all!

We had a great evening, much joy and happiness with Ed and Helen's handfasting. Congratulations to them, and a great job by MJ as the presiding minister. The entire ritual was very touching and the fellowship before and after was wonderful. I have pics up on the Greenleaf Coven Myspace here.

Mom and I had opportunity to discuss a lot of very good ideas and thoughts with Gavin and Yvonne. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I am very excited about what we are going to be able to do!

I will be very busy for the next couple of days working on "The Pagan Show" for next month, so I may be a tad scarce.

By the way, those people in Ohio that are getting ready to do their "Sacrifice to Caring," . . . . wow. Very sad. It's really obvious that "Caring" is not really a part of their curriculum this weekend. Check out the blog "Pagan Perspectives" for more info on that.

Witch's Ball Tonight!

Woohoo! Tonight we dance! The Seventh Annual Really Unreal Witch's Ball is tonight here in Springfield, MO. The kids have their costumes ready, Gret and Gaelen have karaoke for us, and we'll be taking Dance Dance Revolution for the kids that are up for it. We've got markers and paper, too.

We're also hosting a handfasting tonight. We'll be holding our Samhain ritual and after we set up the ritual, the handfasting will take place. It'll be wonderful, I'm sure.

My dad is coming over from Kansas, as well as several other friends of ours from his part of the world. And of course, Gavin and Yvonne will be there as well! I've already found the cd with tango music on it and it is in the possession of our dj, Gaelen Christ.

My husband seems to think we may end up talking with the police tonight. I'm not worried. We have a good rapport with our local law enforcement, being as we have done consultant work for them in the past and they are always aware of our public gatherings.

All in all, should be a good night. Then in the morning, we have the annual meeting with the Frosts. Looks like we may be going with a federal charter soon, and a step closer to obtaining that grant!

Whaddaya know? Llewellyn in a controversy!

From "The Wild Hunt" blog, a story about Carl Weschske, president of Llewellyn, being embroiled in a controversy involving death threats here. Oooh, . . . .

Obviously, the people at Llewellyn are intimidated. Not.

Grrrr, . . . I wasn't gonna do this, . . . . .

Really, I wasn't, but this just bugs the Hel out of me. When people make assumptions without knowing facts or having anything to back up their claim, we become no better than the people who created "Satanic Panic" in the eighties and nineties. Seriously, people:

WonderGoon Says: October 19th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
AJ Drew Said: “So despite the information being a lie, folk read it and believe it.”
There are sheep amongst us.
Seriously, I think that’s what it boils down to. A lot of people, even amongst Pagans, are sheep. They blindly follow “leaders” who they are impressed by, or whom they first read, and stay right behind them.
In a very few cases, these people will wake up, see what horrible monsters they’ve been following and strike out on their own.
Not saying all Pagan authors are bad, here, just a few.
As for Shadowhawk, if Gavin or Yvonne Frost suddenly stopped, his nose would go straight up their asses.
I am truly curious as to what the Frosts think of him, if they are even aware of his existence. This is a guy who side-stepped the issue of calling people names, calling children names, so he could further attack you.
I do think he has anger issues. I also think he was molested as a child and is covering it up by “protecting” the Frosts, who, deep down, he knows committed these acts.
Sigh. It’s enough to make me want to shit nails.
Be well my friend.WonderGoon

Well, yes, the Frosts do know Shadowhawk. However, the people that continue to write about him don't know him. (For that matter, they don't know the Frosts, either.) They don't know anything about his childhood, and I think making assumptions about it is pretty low. I know Shadowhawk - no surprise, I'm sure - and while I may not always agree with his methods, I definitely don't agree with assuming crap without knowing the truth of the matter.

As for the statement of knowing "deep down," that the Frosts committed "these acts,". . . . for crying out loud, people! Maybe it's my own fault for not taking the bait and subbing onto Pagan Nation to attempt to do away with these idiotic claims. Maybe it's their fault for not bothering to believe their own research and not finding anyone that can make these claims. Let me say this one more time:

I know, for a fact, that I was NOT molested or abused or "ritually deflowered" by the Frosts or my parents. I do not know of ANYone that was, nor do I know of anyone whose parents performed the "ritual deflowering." I am not a history scholar, and I don't know anything about it's origins, so don't ask me.

I know some of the folks from Pagan Nation read my blog, so feel free to share my information. But then again, I fully expect they won't because I might prove someone wrong.

*******Edited on 10/30/07***************
I just found out the person that goes by Wondergoon has this particular entry listed in their blog, saying this is Shadowhawk's blog, and that Wondergoon left some comment somewhere. Well, there was no comment left here by anyone named Wondergoon, and Shadowhawk's blog is called "Pagan Perspectives." You can find on the right side of this blog, at the top. I'm Fenix. How are you? Having a good day? That's nice.

Witch's Ball makes the paper

Well, I guess we really have to do this now, right? Just kidding!



Witch's Ball in Springfield MO



Yaaaayyy!!! Fun!!!

Seeing some glimmers of hope

I've been watching many different blogs lately, and man, it's been a crazy couple of weeks in the blogosphere. However, the most interesting thing I've noticed is a decided change in the tone of many bloggers concerning the controversy over Gavin and Yvonne. As I've stated before, I don't study their tradition and I don't necessarily care for their books, but I have known them for a very long time. I do take exception to people accusing them of promoting child abuse because of what amounts to three pages in one book (out of how many others???) that was written some thirty five years ago during a time of sexual revolution and the use of literature for shock value.

When I first waded into this mess, the accusations were that, because of the Frosts' teachings, parents across the country were sexually molesting their children. Anyone involved with the Frosts in the Seventies was suspect. Obviously, I had to chime in. I've noticed there's been a real change since I did. For that, I am grateful. I am grateful that people have enough sense to listen to the facts and think for themselves, rather than allowing themselves to get all worked up over a definite hot-button topic and go along with the mob mentality.

I'm looking forward to seeing Gavin and Yvonne on Friday. They are getting up in years, and I don't know how much longer we're going to be able to have them visit us here in the Ozarks. I really worry about them driving halfway across the country by themselves!

On another note, seems I'm no longer blocked from a certain blog. What a pleasant surprise! - I think.

An article on ritual abuse from Religious Tolerance

I was surfing the 'net here and ran across this great article on abuse under religious and non-religious settings:

http://www.religioustolerance.org/ra_intro.htm

Definitely worth a read.

My last post on A. J. Drew

I've been doing some extensive research on Mr. Drew. I think my IQ has dropped by thirty points!

I decided to see what reviewers had to say about his books. It was pretty easy to spot the reviews written by his friends and colleagues. And that one, Midwest Book Reviews, gave every book reviewed five stars. Outside of the reviews that were obvious plants, the words I saw most often were "arrogant," "sexist," "rambling," "incomplete," -- it goes on. Judging by what I saw on the reviews, researching subjects may not be his strongest characteristic.

I personally have not read his books. My coven was sent a couple of his books some years back and we were asked to review them. We thought it would be good to also film a review for the Pagan Show as well. Unfortunately, the people that read those books felt there was not enough good information for us to go ahead with the reviews. I did look through "Wicca for Couples," but I didn't really see anything new in it, so I didn't bother with it. Bad habit on my part, but finding anything new is tough for me.

Anyway, I've decided to compile some entries and their links to segments of Mr. Drew's blog because he has such a difficult time remembering all the things he's said. There's some real beauties in there. I'm not going to post them up here, because if I did, it would be the world's longest blog! And I only got halfway through his entries. Many of the accusations and twisting-of-words are in there, and I've also included a link to a conversation he had with Raven Grimassi, simply because it's a perfect example of the way Mr. Drew likes to twist things around to make everyone else in the world sound like a bad guy.

I've been debating whether or not I should sign up on Paganation.com. But then, what would be the point? My words would be taken out of context and twisted around, just like everyone else's have been.

If you'd like to see what I've compiled so far, let me know. I'll set my blog to "approve comments," and if you'd like to send me an email addy, I'll make sure it doesn't get out for all the crazies to glom onto.

I don't like being vindictive

I'm considering taking the post below this one down. Wouldn't want to lower myself to others' standards.

I may be blocked, . . .

But I still have access to the blog I was blocked from.

So I'm curious - who has threatened this guy's life? I haven't seen anyone making threats. Besides, I would think someone with the training he has told us all he has, he shouldn't be threatened in the least by any of us "lesser" individuals.

Just sharing the love, . . . .


"Good Witch’s Bible Part 2
October 15th, 2007 at 23:32 pm by archaeus in Gavin Frost, Good Witch's Bible, Shamanism, Wiccan, Witch, Yvonne Frost


After receiving numerous hostile threats against his life should he continue spreading the truth about Wicca and his opinions as an elder of the craft, Archaeus the Shamanic Witch continues his video commentary on The Witch’s Bible by Gavin and Yvonne Frost discussing the early biased behavior of Wicca against the Gay and Lesbian community.

14Oct2007
Heil Wicca
October 14th, 2007 at 16:24 pm by archaeus in Wiccan

In typical fashion the defenders of the Frosts continue to use anything which I have revealed through posting on this blog as an attack against me.
As expected my child molestation and “gum” incident were likewise used with the usual flair of vindictiveness.
I now share my counterchallenge against such loving people…
“Archaeus said…
People in defense of Wicca claim it a faith filled with perfect love and perfect trust.
Wicca has proven itself a spiritual malignancy which spreads by having adopted the same brutal mentality as Adolph Hitler’s Third Reight.
And like Hitler, Wicca seeks the harvest of young children to better promote its agenda.
You suggest I seek a more sympathetic audience and yet all of you gleefully display a far darker and evil side which only further exemplifies the many rumors spreading about Wicca as true.
But people should come to realize that when such depraved indifference and maliciousness becomes so evident in the behavior of others that it is not a demonstration of strength and superiority but rather desperation and weakness as logic is replaced by emotional response.
Sadly, each of your individual expressions perfectly match characteristically with those behaviors evident within dysfunctional family environments. Where now such behavior seeks forced acceptance through defending such noble causes as Wicca or the Frosts philosophies on preparing adolescent aged children for ritual sex activity within an adult coven environment.
In essence it is not “I” who is victim but rather those who may follow “you” into a never ending cycle of perpetuating dysfunctional behavior.
Clinical psychiatry generally attempts to convince such people to break the cycle of abuse.But most never do and thus the victimization continues in effecting generation after generation.”

Time for a change

Well, just as I figured would happen, I've grown weary of the name-calling, word-twisting, and nit-picking of this unbelievable drama that certain people have insisted on pushing. I've been accused of wanting to cover up criminal activity, even though I said quite plainly that law-breakers are turned over to the police and I have known there to be law-breakers at gatherings. I've been ignored when presenting facts about my upbringing. And now I've been blocked from one blogger's site because -- well, honestly, I don't know why. We had a civil exchange in which he invited me to continue the conversation, then he promptly blocked me from his blog

What does this all mean? Hell if I know. Most likely, it means what I once thought was a flourishing community is actually a festering cesspool of hurt feelings and hidden agendas. I have spent years trying to convince nonPagans in our area (which happen to be the majority!) that we are not evil monsters out to corrupt their precious little children. I daresay, the work that's been done by Mr. Drew has gone a long way towards destroying that. Had this been approached in a rational, mature manner, some truly good work might have happened. Instead, we have mud-slinging on a level any politician would be proud of.

I am in no way condoning the cover-up of criminal activities at Pagan events. As a matter of fact, there's been a number of events I've attended where the local sheriff or police department was invited out to check things out and make sure no laws were being broken. I myself have had the local fire chief visit my Beltane celebration to make sure everything was in order. It was, and we had a great celebration.

And does Mr. Drew have any regrets for placing all of us in a dangerous position with the rest of the world? I'm not sure the man knows the meaning of the word. I'm also not sure he truly understands the gravity of the situation. It's not been that long ago that I had to go to court myself with an attorney who made disparaging remarks about my ability as a mother simply because I'm Pagan. Thankfully, the judge was smart enough to realize that children cannot be taken away from a parent because of religion. Yes, my ex tried to prove I was an unfit mother and that my children were in danger because I had CANDLES in my house! Not the brightest crayon in the box - which is why he's my ex.



Anyway, the longer this goes on, the more I believe it has truly gotten out of hand. What does it benefit to call people names and accuse them of horrible crimes, especially when there is no proof whatsoever? Who looks the bigger fool then? If you are against pedophila and child rape, then wonderful. You'd be insane not to be, and I applaud your stance. If you want to do something about it, even better. Be the champion. If you know that someone is a pedophile, or if you have reason to suspect someone, please take your proof to the police and turn them in. If there are pedophiles running about, then they need to be taken off the street. Wouldn't you agree? I know that if I thought my children were in danger, I most certainly would do everything in my power to protect them.

No good can come of this circus. Any unbalanced individual can claim a book or a passage from a book compelled them to harm a child or a loved one. What about the people that commit atrocities in the name of the Bible? What about the kids that get their hands on some of the subversive literature from the sixties with instructions on creating bombs? If we are so concerned with the content of one, single book, should we begin censoring ALL books?

When Damien Echols was arrested and charged with the murder of three eight year old boys in West Memphis, AR., he had "The Satanic Bible" and a couple of books on Wicca in his house. By the logic I've seen lately, we should be suspicious of all these books and most likely censor whatever we might find offensive. But as anyone who is familiar with The West Memphis Three knows, that would be utterly ridiculous, for a number of reasons. Of course, that leads me to another question, . . . .

Who among us is capable of deciding what is "right" for reading and what is wrong? Who gets to decide what constitutes "true" Wicca or Paganism? I had always believed that being Pagan meant we think for ourselves, and no one dictates how we worship or think. The whole mentality of "if you're not with me, you're against me" is something Pagans just don't recognize. Or at least, that's what I had always thought.

I do wonder if our spirituality has been watered down by Christianity. We're creating our own Witch hunts now. We don't need anyone else's help to destroy ourselves.

I propose we pull away from this fiasco. I will defend myself, but I will not resort to calling names, questioning mental capacity, or twisting words around to try and imply criminal activity. I would love to see others rise above the immaturity and be a Pagan community again. A house divided will fall -- we should know that by now, and allowing ourselves to be divided will only create chaos -- worse than the chaos we have now.

A Suggestion

In regards to the hate-spewing individuals that are prevalent on the internet, who continue to blast and accuse without any facts to back up their claims, I have a suggestion.

We are Witches. Why are we not using our abilities to put an end to this travesty? I am not suggesting attacking anyone, harming anyone, or forcing anyone to do anything against their will. In that manner, a broad spectrum of Pagans wil be able to participate in my suggestion.

I propose a mirror spell. For those not familiar with a mirror spell, it's a simple technique that creates an opportunity for any energy sent out to be reflected back on the sender of the energy. That way, if anything harmful or nasty gets sent out, it will simply be reflected back onto the sender.

There are many ways to perform this spell. I would be more than happy to provide any instruction to anyone with questions. In the meantime, it's time for me to get to work.

How very odd!

So according to "some" self-serving Pagan protector-of-children, a certain childhood friend of mine was rejected by iParenting.com for an article because of her parents' stance on "child sodomy." Well, imagine my surprise to find her in print at . . . . iParenting.com!

http://teenagerstoday.com/resources/articles/teenwitch.htm

So, . . . hm! Who is telling fibs now? Where did I miss the banishing?

Please offer this far and wide!

***UPDATE***

Mr. Drew has found it necessary to continue his smear campaign and have Bronwyn removed from this article. I really have to wonder whether his motivation is truly for the good of the world or if there's some personal vendetta behind this. What good comes from this?

Read this, . . .

It's a quote from an article about toxic work situations:

"They insert themselves when you're not around. So you're going to have to forge your own PR campaign and let people know the truth. We don't suggest you confront the back stabber -- it won't get you anywhere. But remember, back stabbers think they can't get anywhere on their own, that they have to bring someone down in order to succeed. They'll eventually sink their own ship."

They have to bring someone down in order to succeed, . . . .

We've all been the victim of someone that needs to put others down in order to make themselves feel more important. As Pagans, it's all the more disheartening when someone feels the need to tear another Pagan down just to make themselves look good.

When you see someone start making horrible accusations and demanding heads on platters, may I suggest you do some research on the shit-slinger? You might be surprised by what you find out.

For folks coming to the Witch's Ball

Here are some motels and prices:

Best Western Coach House Inn
2535 North Glenstone
from $59.99 USD Standard Rate

Comfort Inn & Suites
2815 North Glenstone Avenue
from $76.49 USD

Econo Lodge East
2611 North Glenstone Avenue
from $45.00 USD

Microtel Inn - Springfield
3125 North Kentwood Avenue
from $53.00 USD

Red Roof Springfield
2655 North Glenstone
from $43.99 USD

Super 8 Springfield North I 44
3022 North Kentwood Avenue
from $49.49 USD


Phone numbers are available if you see something that strikes your fancy.

See you there!

Remember?

Remember when it was ok to be a Pagan? When it was acceptable to run around on private land without a top on and bask in the sunlight? Seriously, there's nothing like it.

Remember when it was ok to be happy with your sexuality and be a woman or man without limitations? To truly embody the God and Goddess? And that would make people smile?

Remember when you could voice an opinion and someone would say, "well, I don't agree, but to each their own"? Remember when we decided to agree to disagree? But we could still be at a gathering at the same time? And there was no bloodshed?

Remember when we would do our best to support each other and be a part of the whole? Remember when we cared about community?

I do.

I really miss it.

When did it become a crime to be a Pagan? Even among other Pagans?

And yet another one, . . .

A comment on a post that A. J. Drew put up recently:

"October 3rd, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Did you know that earlier this year a woman killed her son because she felt he was possesed. The police went to the library and confiscated a lot of the Frosts books that she had checked out saying that they felt the books contributed to the death of the child.
http://www.religionnewsblog.com/17139/books-seized-in-death-inquiry“The books collected by police Thursday were “The Magic Power of White Witchcraft” by Gavin and Yvonne Frost; “Making the Gods Work for You: The Astrological Language of the Psyche,” by Caroline Casey; and “The Witch’s Book of Magical Ritual: Use the Forces of Wicca to Direct Your Psychic Powers,” by Gavin Frost.”

Speaking as someone that knows the Frosts pretty darn well, I can say without a doubt that they do not condone violence against children. Is there a list of the other books this person owned, or are we only concerned with Frost books? Is it possible there are other books in this person's library? Is it also possible that this person was trying to find a way to stop the anger in their head?

And where is the mention of the Scientology book, and the other Pagan author? Not scandalous enough?

We could always go back to the West Memphis Three in this case. One of the young men had "The Satanic Bible" in his collection. And yet, there are so many Pagans willing to stand up and defend them. Shouldn't we be condemning them, based on this information? Doesn't that make about the same amount of sense?

What sort of insinuation do we have here????

I don't typically do this sort of thing, but this is just ridiculous!

This is a link to Mr. A. J. Drew's latest blog about Gavin and Yvonne attending a thing called the Samhain Spirit Festival Fireheart in Toledo, Ohio, put on by the Spiritweavers group of that area. So far, he's tried to claim that the Frosts are responsible for omitting from the Spiritweavers' website anyone else as featured speakers and also making the event a "members only" gathering. Now he's saying this:

"Stranger still is the note on the registration site that kids between the ages of 11 and 17 get in for 50% off the cover price. Not a mention of 50% off with paid parent or legal guardian ticket. Just 50% off to any child between the ages of 11 and 17."

What the hell does that have to do with ANYthing? Is he now trying to imply that the Spiritweavers are recruiting children for the Frosts to prey upon? Can you say "libel suit?"

I hope this man and his wife are very proud of the work they are doing. It's now becoming a case of not being able to say or do anything because it might be misconstrued by someone who is desperately looking for any excuse to hurl accusations. Dear god, don't leave out a word! Let's not make the assumption that we might be smart enough to think for ourselves and understand that children are to be accompanied by a parent. No, let's make it sound like it's nothing more than a group of depraved letches trying to get their hands on the children. Yeah, that'll be cool!

It's like we've got our very own Pagan Big Brother. See, Paganism can be mainstream. Aren't we proud?

What I've learned about Drew and the Frosts

I've learned that no matter what I or anyone else has to say, Mr. Drew and his people are going to believe what they want. They will continue to pick at this and find other reasons to go after the Frosts. My understanding of this whole attack was that Mr. Drew believed children had been sexually molested in the Seventies at the hands of the Frosts and at the hands of their followers. His direction has since changed to something else and he has started nitpicking at events from thirty and forty years ago that really don't have anything to do with the original charges of child molestation. He is now claiming that by writing the original offending passage, they are promoting sexual abuse and child molestation in that manner. I understand the Frosts presented the original passage as an historical reference. Mr. Drew claims that's a lie.

Quite frankly, I don't care to get caught up in the semantics of who wrote what in what context and whether or not it's really historical or not. If people really want to get into that, may I suggest a book called "Steal This Book!" by Abbie Hoffman or "The Anarchist Cookbook," by William Powell. I can also find a book on how to identify and execute Witches. All of these books offer suggestions and instructions that, if people were to follow, all hell would break loose. Fortunately, the majority of people in our country have the ability to read something and think for themselves! They can make their own decisions as to whether or not they want to break the law, and believe me, these books are chock full of information on how to break the law.

One of things I find most fascinating about all of this is that if you were to ask most Wiccans and Pagans what their opinions are of the Frosts, they would respond with, "who?" Those that have read their books don't care for them. Quite frankly, I don't either. I've tried to read a couple of them, and wow -- it's sensationalist and archaic.

Oh, yeah, that's something I caught yesterday on all the blogs and crap. Mr. Drew has accused the Frosts of using all this sensationalism to sell their books. If I'm not mistaken, didn't Mr. Drew start all this crap in the first place? If he had never decided to wage this little campaign and sacrifice effigies (or whatever the hell it is he's doing - I've heard several different things now), Gavin and Yvonne would be living the quiet life of a retired couple inWest Virginia. Instead, they have found themselves traveling all over the country yet again. Kinda crazy.

And even though I've come to accept that it does no good for me to reiterate what I know and what I've experienced at the hands of the Frosts and my parents, let me say it again -- I was never molested sexually by the Frosts or my parents (their students) at any time. I was never involved in any ritual that included dildos. I don't know of anyone that was ever molested. The children weren't even allowed to participate in ritual. And I lost my virginity the old-fashioned way - with a guy I was dating in high school.

So go ahead and call me "stupid." This whole ordeal has taught me a lot about the kind of people there are claiming to be Pagans. Evidently, even Pagans are incapable of growing and learning at some point. We are no better than Christians. We put on blinders and follow our own dogma, come hell or high water. Facts don't matter if it's not what we want to hear. It pains me to see so much of Christianity influencing our once liberating spirituality.

If I were smart enough, I'd write my own damn book. Ah, but I don't know anyone at Llewellyn. Bleh.

Wow

I am so disappointed. No one has asked me about my history with the Frosts. Am I not important enough? I've got tons of history I can share. Could it be that I don't have the sordid details some are hoping for? Could it be that I only have dull details of day to day normal life that no one wants to know about? Could it be that no one really wants the truth? Well, not necessarily. I'm doing an interview next week about my life with the Frosts on Pure Pagan Radio. Will that clear things up? Probably not. Some people will only believe what they choose. But I can say, without a doubt, that I do know some things that others choose not to hear. So, . . . you can hear me and know the truth or continue to get caught up in the hysteria.

Frost, Gavin and Yvonne

Titled so that everyone can find me --

Trying to offer my years of experience to the masses, but haven't heard anything so far. Here's my Frosty resume, . . . .

1971 - met Gavin, Yvonne, and Jo
1974 - my parents were initiated by the Frosts
1976 - we all moved to New Bern N.C. so my parents could help run the Church and School of Wicca
1988 - went to a seminar in Branson with the Frosts and rekindled my path onto Paganism
1999 - traveled to North Carolina for Week 50
2000 - started annual Samhain seminar with the Frosts as guest speakers
2007 - hosting the Frosts at our Witch's Ball

Still friends with Jo, still friends with Gavin and Yvonne, and still have no sordid stories to tell. Maybe that's why no one has contacted me yet, . . . . .

This whole A. J. Drew thing

Yeah, I haven't said anything about this because I pretty much think the man is nuts and just trying to get attention. I don't read his blog because I know it'll just piss me off and I'll post something on there. See, I know the Frosts pretty darn well. My parents worked with them back in the seventies - when all this alleged child molestation was taking place. I've posted up and offered to talk with Mr. Drew, but I've never heard from him. And I'm really confused by some of the posts I've been seeing from him.

Yes, today I finally went onto his Pagan Nation blog and looked through some of the crap he's been posting. A couple of months ago, I understand he was telling people he had dozens of "victims" willing to come forward and accuse Gavin and Yvonne of all sorts of horrible things. Well, the latest thing I've seen indicates they've got no one coming forward (hello - what am I? chopped liver?), and maybe they were all brain-washed using cult-like techniques. Wow. Also, a couple of months ago, he was all about burning these effigies of the Frosts at his gathering in October. Now he's claiming he never said that????? Pretty amazing, considering the number of people that went ballistic over the whole idea of burning anyone at all in effigy! Oh, and he also seems to feel at least a half dozen people have made death threats against him, and one of them was because - get this - they created an effigy of him and destroyed it!

I get the feeling he's lost his credibility. Not that he had too much to begin with, I suppose. My understanding is he's always been kind of on the fringe.

It has crossed my mind that this guy isn't even really a Pagan, and all of these machinations have been a covert attempt to destroy Paganism from the inside. What better way than accusations of pedophilia?

Then there's my husband's theory that Drew is himself a pedophile. Let's see if that gets his attention.

Springfield Missouri Juggalo Show

Everyone needs to go see the Springfield Juggalo Show!

woot woot!

Confusion

So things have been going pretty good - I've been busting my ass to do the right things for my husband, and I thought he was happy. Now, all of a sudden, he's depressed and unhappy, and I don't know why. I've been doing everything he asked. Was he happier when I was being the evil bitch and doing whatever the hell I wanted? Is there something I'm not doing that he DID want me to do?

He says it's not me, but it's really hard for me to believe that.

dragging up the past

One of the things that has been most difficult for me this past week is remembering all the horrible things I've done to other people. I know I treated some people very badly, and I have tried to put that all behind me and move on, maybe make a better life for myself and my children. I don't want my boys to end up like me. But I have been reminded lately of the way I was treating people eight or ten years ago. I was not a nice person, and I know that. It's a very painful thing for me to remember.

I'm sure there's a reason why I have to go back and look at all these horrible things that I did - I treated people badly, I broke hearts, I lied. My life now is wonderful, and I could never imagine doing anything like that to my husband, but of course, he doesn't believe me. All of my past actions have been dragged back to my attention. I don't even like to think about it. But I know he has his reasons for it.

this evening's silliness

Get Code | Create Your Own!

moving forward in my life

I haven't written anything on here for a very long time. Bad move on my part, I know, but my life has taken some interesting turns as of late.

First and foremost, I did something very stupid last weekend and almost destroyed my marriage. My husband was ready to pack up and leave me because of it. I'm not going to go into details about what I did - it was entirely my fault and I take full responsibility for all of it. Since then, my husband and I have had many, many conversations, and I've been forced to admit to him that I have a specific psychological problem. Again, not gonna go into detail about it. It was hard enough for me to talk to my husband about it, so I'm not about to start posting details of my problems here.

We've been working very hard - together - to try and get past my mistake and understand what we can do to live with this problem I have. He's been incredibly patient and understand with me. I don't know what I would have done if he had left. I'm very grateful for everything he is doing for me right now. It's given me a feeling of security that I realized I've never had. I have been in love before, but I have never felt being loved. I think I may have been incapable of feeling love from another. This is kind of a whole new thing for me to be able to understand and know that another person can and does love me as much as I love them.

And it only took me forty years!

Ice Storm 07

Here where I live in Springfield, Mo., we had a huge ice storm on January 12th. For some reason, very few people even heard about it. I'm surprised. When other areas of the world suffer from natural disasters of this magnitude, it makes headlines for days, and tons of aid pours into the area. We've gotten dick so far.

My friends and family - not to mention myself - went without power for days, almost two weeks in some cases. We had subzero temperatures during that time. People died.

And the destruction, . . . .







It's going to take our city months to get everything cleaned up again.

And yet, it seems as if no one else in the world even cares about it.