When life happens in a bad way

I realize I have been very lax lately in writing here, but I have been dealing with a lot of personal issues - being laid off again (second time in a year), hardcore depression, stuff like that there. But today, something happened that is making me really take a very hard long look at my life.

I have been surrounded by death for a very long time. My best friend from Texas was killed in a hotel fire sixteen years ago, and that started a bizarre cascade of suicides and murders that have left me very jaded. However, today I am faced with something that shakes me to my very core. My friend Steve had a brain aneurysm today at 12:30. It's one of those weird things that has no rhyme or reason, and despite his health issues, this had nothing to do with any of them. He survived the crucial first few hours and he is currently heavily sedated in a neuro-trauma ICU at St. John's. I've done some research, and it is possible to return to a normal life after such an event, but it takes a lot of time and effort on everyone's part.

Steve and his wife Robin, as well as all the kids, are family. I have known them for more years than I care to say - the older kids consider me their third mom, after their real mom and their step-mom Robin. The two youngest are especially precious to me (if you know me, then you know why!) and Heather just turned five, so they are quite young still.

Maybe the thing that is bothering me the most is that Steve is six months younger than me. There are three of us that are damn near the same age - me, Steve and Sylvanus. Sylvanus is a month older than me and Steve is the youngest of us, but we are all Fire Horses according to Chinese astrology and we are all most assuredly part of Generation X. We are all close friends, despite any arguments and disagreements we've had over the years. Steve has had some fairly major health issues and he is still dealing with diabetes, but this - this is one of those random unknowns that no one can ever expect.

So - I anticipate being very busy for the next few months, maybe years, I don't know. Whatever it takes, I'm gonna be there. These people are my family. I love them, and I will be there for them, no matter what. My past embarrassments don't matter anymore. They are dear to me.